The incredible questions Indians ask a married woman

OK! I get it. I am 34-year-old Indian woman married for two long years. My biological clock is ticking at the speed of light. I need to have a baby or else? Well, I need to as I am already late (This is what everyone back in homeland says)
Every time we go to India (we’ve been to India 4 times in the last two years), we are pounded upon with a barrage of questions from all our friends, relatives, family, and even our loyal house help. Here are the top 10 questions that I anticipate will face when I am back in October for Dussehra and hopefully my responses (*in my head, of course*)

1. Any good news(Rubbing my belly)?
Ya! Just had a biryani and my tummy feels wonderful

2. When are you having a baby?
When the time is right!

3. Why aren’t you having a baby?
Because the time isn’t right!

4. Is there a problem?
Damn right! You are poking your Pinnochio nose in my business.

5. Your cousin is having a baby? Don’t you want to have one?
If cousin gains 100 pounds. Should I be doing the same?

6. We want to play with your baby
No. Play with your own baby.

7. If you delay, you won’t be able to run behind your baby
I shouldn’t run. I have bad knees. I am ok with jogging.

8. A baby jumpstarts your life. Don’t you want that?
My life hasn’t halted. Why do I need to jumpstart it?

9. A baby adds meaning to your life. Don’t you want that?
Thanks for telling me that my existence is not meaningful!

10. If you don’t have a baby, you’ll be lonely in your old age
Wonderful! So, you need to have a baby so that they can give you company in old age. Speaking of parents’ unconditional love for children.

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